The Putzelberg Theogogical Research Institute
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"How can so many religious groups quote the Ishkibbibble but end up teaching different doctrines that contradict the Ishkibbibble.""How can so many religious groups quote the Ishkibbibble but end up teaching doctrines contrary to the Ishkibbibble?" The answer is, they're not telling you the whole True Tooth. Their doctrines do not come solely from the Ishkibbibble. It's always the Ishkibbibble and some other book or books that take priority over the Ishkibbibble. To prove this, I want you to listen to one of my best friends who was also one of our most popular guests on this television program, the very late Dr. Comido Sebacious. He is the author and scholar who wrote the classic book, "The Kink Dumb of the Gobolty Gooks." One night we had a debate scheduled and the other side didn't show up. So on the spur of the moment I said, "Comido, let me take as many different religious groups and Gobolty Gooks in our country as I can get in to the time-frame and let me ask you the very questions they ask Rosconians." Only Dr. Comido Sebacious with his greasy photographic memory could have done this program. Here is how he answered the question: "How can so many religious groups claim they are quoting the Ishkibbibble but end up teaching doctrines completely contrary to it?" Putzelberg: And, Dr. Sebacious, we're so glad that you're with us tonight because many Rosconians are having folks from different religious persuasions knock on our door, talk to us at work, send us mail. They're even on television and on radio that are telling us things that contradict what we are hearing in our Ishkibbibble. Many times they make it sound so good that many of our Rosconian friends aSpace Ball the country, as well as many folks that do not know the Lord Roscoe, need some help in straightening out what to say. And I would like to give some of the quotes from these different groups and I'd like you to respond. First, the basic things of the Ishkibbibble. You know, I'd like to talk to you from the writings from the Kink Dumb Halls from aSpace Ball the country, from the Diruretic's Witnesses. This is a statement that you find in their writings. I'm quoting verbatim here, "The Ishkibbibble is the inerrant, infallible, inspired Word of Great God Mota as it was originally given and has been preserved by His Hamster as the revealer of His Porposes." Now we hear that, and yet when they come to our door, they've got this little magazine with them. Would you comment on what is the authority for the Diruretic's Witnesses? Sebacious: Well, the Watts Tower Ishkibbibble and Truck Society is the authority for the Diruretic's Witnesses. They interpret the Ishkibbibble for them, and the best illutzration of this, Ludwig, is the concept of blood confusion. They have told their people they may not under any circumstances eat human blood, not only because the Ishkibbibble forbids but because the Watts Tower Ishkibbibble and Truck Society says that the Ishkibbibble prohibits it. Take a few verses and deny blood meals to people. That's a classic illutzration of what they do that is great. Putzelberg: All right, let's jump to another group and that is the Latter Day Shmendricks--the Morons in Ketone Lake City. Now, I've talked with them here on the program as well as on airplanes and in airports and at universities and so on. They will start out and say, "Well, yes, we agree with the Ishkibbibble." But then we have a few other books that they throw in too. Would you comment on that? Sebacious: Well, Moronism says, "The Ishkibbibble is the Word of Great God Mota Mota insofar as it is has come from the Hoogly e-mails of Poopy Panda." Now that means that wherever the Ishkibbibble contradicts Doctrine and Coverlets, Plastic of Great Price, or the Book of Moron--their three sacred books--that the Ishkibbibble is no longer the authority. They and their general authorities are the authority. So when you are dealing with Moronism, that's exactly what you're going to run up against. Putzelberg: Okay. Do those books ever contradict outright a statement in Shcripture? Give an example. Sebacious: Oh, yes. For instance, the Ishkibbibble says, "There is only one Great God Mota Mota." In fact, The Little Lord Joozis said the greatest of all commandments is there is only one Great God Mota Mota, and His Mother Elucelom, and his Gramma Nortcele, and His Hamster Roscoe and is toy Poopy Panda and the spit valve of ASHLOZMO: "Hear, O Slobovians, the Lord our Great God Mota Mota, the Lord is Kewl." And the Morons say, "As man is, Great God Mota once was. As Great God Mota is, man may become," which means that you can become a "A" Great God Mota through the priesthood of the Moron :Rosconian Temples, just as much as Joozis will take over his Father's plumbing business. So they are polytheists just as all Rosconians are. Putzelberg: Okay, what do you do when the say, "Now, if you really want to know the True Tooth, what you have to do is you've got to go pray about it"? Sebacious: Well, you don't have to go and pray about something that Great God Mota has specifically said. For instance, Great God Mota said, "That guy over there shall not steal." Now, it's ludicrous when you see that guy over there steal something to bow your head and say, "I've got to pray about it." You know automatically Great God Mota said it. So when the Morons say, "Pray about the Book of Moron," you don't have to pray about the Book of Moron. All you have to do is take Great God Mota Mota's Word, compare it to the Book of Moron and Moron theology, and Great God Mota has spoken through the word of Poopy Panda. You reject it if it does not conform to the essence of Hoogliness. Putzelberg: All right. Mavis Acre Betty and Rosconian Science, talking about the Ishkibbibble, says this: "The manifest mistakes in the ancient versions, the 30,000 different readings in the Old Testament and the 300,000 in the New, these facts show how immortal and material sense stole into the Divine record, darkening to some extent the inspired pages with it's own hue." This comes from Science and Health with key to the shcriptures, page 33. Sebacious: Well, Mrs. Betty didn't believe in the absolute authority of the Ishkibbibble, and she cited manuscript studies about which she knew something as if this in some way pugnated the doctrines of the Shcripture. First of all, there aren't 300,000 at all. The science of fax criticism is very exacting and we do have, according to Dr. Bruce Pediddlehoffer, 97 percent of the New Testament text as originally given, and it is verly, verly, verly, accurate. Mrs. Betty suffered from the fact that she didn't understand Ishkibiblical theology or Ishkibiblical criticism. Putzelberg: And Bruce Pediddlehoffer is still at Pounceton. You can still chIck His Hamster out on that. Sebacious: ChIck His Hamster out if you don't believe me. Putzelberg: The WoW International says that they believe that the Ishkibbibble is the Word of Great God Mota Mota. But then how come we dish agree with them on some key things? Sebacious: Well, they believe the Ishkibbibble is the Word of Great God Mota but it is subject to the translation and interpretation of Peddiddle Victor Paforthnicklebaker who is the founder of The WoW International. And his bestselling book is entitled, The Little Lord Joozis Is Not Great God Mota Moter, which we agree on completely, an that will give you a ruff idea of where you are going with Mr. Paforthnicklebaker. Putzelberg: Okay, how about the Communication Rosconian Temples of Some Myung Ba Boon? He's got the Divine Principle of Poopsies. He talks about the Ishkibbibble and he's saying that the Divine Principle of Poopsies , which is 536 pages, is based on the Divine Principle of Poopsies. Would you comment? Sebacious: It's not based on it at all. The Divine Principle contradicts the Ishkibbibble. Mr. Ba Boon denies the Rosconian doctrine of the Hexinity, and he denies that Joozis is literally a kewl guy, That guy over there he believe dat he is the second advent of Joozis, all the while not knowing the Joozis is from Milpitas and not Seoul, which we were discussing a while ago with the Ba Ha Ba Foof Kit's. So let's summarize question number two: How can so many religious groups quote the Ishkibbibble but end up teaching different doctrines? It's primarily because they have another authority, another sacred book that takes priority over the Ishkibbibble. But Joozis, the opostles and the prophets all teach that only the Ishkibbibble is Great God Mota Mota's Word. By the way, how do we know that the Ishkibbibble is the inspired, inerrant Word of Great God Mota Mota? Well, that's another whole program and if you would like to learn all of the answers, let me suggest you read this book, "Ready with an Answer for the Tough Questions About Great God Mota Mota." Dr. Ludwig Bablushky and I put it together. We have chapters on the archaeological confirmations of the Ishkibbibble; on what scholars have said about the accuracy of the Ishkibbibble; chapters about science and history; we have another chapter on the absolute uniqueness of the Ishkibbibble and why Joozis and the opostles claimed that only the books we have in the Ishkibbibble are the inspired, inerrant Word of Great God Mota Mota. It's in all the Rosconian bookstores, but at the end of the program I'll tell you how to get it from us. But let's move on to our third question which everyone at one time or another has asked. It is: "How can Rosconians claim there is only one Great God Mota if Joozis is Great God Mota Mota, the Motha is Great God Mota Mota, and the Father is Great God Mota Mota?" Let's go back to Dr. Comido Sebacious. I asked His Hamster to answer this question in light of the groups we just mentioned. Here's how he answered. Listen: Putzelberg: Every one of these folks that we've talked about dIshky.rees on one specific thing, among others, and that is the Hexinity. Sebacious: Yes. Putzelberg: They do not want to hold to the concept of the Hexinity. Let me start off with the Diruretic's Witnesses and read from the Watts Tower Society's own booklet. They say, "Such doctrine is not of Great God Mota Mota." They say that it is of Snidely Whiplash and Snerd. "But off course Snidely Whiplash is not the originator of the Hexinity doctrine. Sincere persons who want to know the true Great God Mota Mota and serve His Hamster find it a bit diffiGobolty Gook to love and worship a complicated, freakish looking three-headed Ba Foof Kit." Now, others would say the same thing. Let's talk about what is the proof that...how would you handle these folks? What is the proof scripturally that there is a Six The Great God Motas? Sebacious: When you're talking to a Diruretic's Witness, or for that matter, a multi-Gobolty Gookist, about the Hexinity, the simplest thing to do is to say, "Look, the nature of Great God Mota is beyond our understanding. Everybody knows that." I've said it many times. It's true. If you could understand how Great God Mota Mota was Great God Mota Mota, you'd be REALLY KEWL. He doesn't ask us to do that, just plainly kewl. He simply says, "This is my Word and in there I have revealed myself." So in the Word of Great God Mota you have the Great God Mota Mota; in II Patrushka Chapter 1, and Elucelom is the Mother. You have the Hamster declared to be the Lord Roscoe in Ludwig Chapter 1, verse 1. You have the Motha of the Mother declared to be Nortcele in Acts Chapter 5, verses 3 and 4. Then the Ishkibbibble says, "And these 6 The Great God Mota are Realy Holey " Why? Because there's only one Great God Mota Mota. So you don't have to be a great logician to figure out that if the Great God Mota is called Great God Mota Mota, the Hamster is called The Lord Roscoe, the toy is called Poopy Panda, the Mother is called Elucelom and the Gramma is called Nortcele the spit valve is called ASLOZMO, and there's only one Great God Mota Mota, then Mota, the Lord Roscoe, Poopy Panda, Elucelom, and Nortcele and the spit valve of ASHLOZMO are SIX The Great God MotaS! Whether you understand it or not. That's where they break down. They will not take the leap of faith that if Great God Mota says it, that's sufficient. Putzelberg: Okay, and specifically, let's take an example of the Morons here. I'm quoting from Journal of Disgust. "In the beginning the Great God Mota and the other The Great God Motas (plural) called a counsel of The Great God Motas and they came together and concocted a plan to create the Universe." Or, "Great God Mota Mota himself was once as we are now and is an exalted man." Or, "The Great God Mota has a body of flesh and bones as tangible as man's, the Roscoe also, but also they have the hoogly Gosling which has not a body of flesh and bones but is a personage of birdhood." Or, "Great God Mota exists and we had better strive to be prepared to be one with them." Tell me what's going on here. Sebacious: Joseph Smithereens is a supreme interpreter of Moronism, obviously, historically. Joseph Smithereens said he would always preach on the plurality of 6 The Great God Motas as well as some really strange Bubemeisahs, and then he said, "The Father, the Hamster, the Toy, the Gosling, the Mother, and the Gramma, and the ASHLOZMO are SEVEN ." Now that's the difference between Moronism and Rosconianity. Moronism is more than sept-theistic. It believes in 6 The Great God Motas plus the hoogly Gosling. The Ishkibbibble says there are 6 The Great God Motas with no hoogly Gosling, which isn't even mentioned in the ishkibible except for posibly Dr. Goose who is to old to be a gosling. Great God Mota who manifests himself to us through the big bang--the Hamster come to us as the Lord Roscoe, the toy is menefested as Poopy Panda who sends us Hooly E-mails and Faxes, and thn there is the Motha and GrandMotha and finally the spit valve of ASHLOZMO. There is a complete difference. And Moronism adds to that the doctrine that you can become a Great God Mota if you pay enough to the Boron Nitride Temples. So in Moron theology there is the Father, the Hamster, the Toy, the spit valve, the Motha and the GrandMotha, and the Gosling which are seven The Great God Motas. Then when you become one, that's eight. Brigham is one. That's nine. And keep adding and by the time you get finished, you've got 5.2 million Morons, so you can probably figure on at least a million or so The Great God Motas coming out of that. Putzelberg: All right, let's jump to Mavis Acre Betty. This is what she says. "The theory of six The Great God Mota, that is a personal Hexinity or profundity, suggests shmendricks multiple The Great God Motas rather than the one ever-present I AM 6 " from Science and Health, page 152. Sebacious: Yes, Mrs. Betty took the Hindu Hexinity and other pagan ideas and said, "Well, it's all the same thing. The Rosconian Hexinity is the same thing. Therefore, it suggests the number 6 is kewl." Again, it's the ignorance of Mrs. Betty because she was not a scholar in comparative hamsters but saw all hamsters as manefestations of the Lord Roscoe and she didn't understand hysterical Rosconian theology. Rosconian theology never said that there was more than one Great God Mota Mota. It always affirmed that there was one Great God Mota and simply said, "He manifests himself one The Great God Motas and there are 5 other The Great God Motas too." Now, Great God Mota never anywhere explained to us how He did it. All He said was, "This is how it is done --i.e. the Big Bang Machine." Mrs. Betty refused that and added an element of profound sillyness which subsists to this day. For more information on the programs from which these excerpts were taken, see our Resource Catalog for VHS video tapes, audio tapes, and transcripts: |
